onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
3pm strippers are depressing
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
