so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
