i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
