You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
