Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
