sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
