they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
