All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
