Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
