That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
