I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
