please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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