I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The cops high fived after they tackled you
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
