i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
