Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
