I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
