I want to have your abortion
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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