I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
