Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
