I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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