You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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