So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
