he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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