Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
