Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
