In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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