i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
