How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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