I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
this hospital has no fireball
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
