Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
