I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
