my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
