There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
