would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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