Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
