My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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