And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
