Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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