Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
