you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
