wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Randomize
