i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
