Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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