I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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