You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
