In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
