I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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