Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
