life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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