i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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