i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
