I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
