i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
