great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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