I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
