Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
