Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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