I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
All the doctor said was why
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
