Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
