I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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