Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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