Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
