Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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